Charleston Mercury – May 2017 – Welcome to the jungle

welcome to the jungleWelcome to the jungle, Mr. President. It seems things aren’t going very smoothly. I can’t imagine running for national office, making promises. I have a feeling no freshman politician has any idea what he or she is walking into when they finally win an election. The seasoned politicians must be smirking at you that first day of school. (I myself have two years’ experience in college student government: freshman senator and Treasurer. It was interesting.)

Now, some more words of advice from a seasoned politician to a newbie. Please please please hire some sort of coach for Paul Ryan. He needs to made to stand in front of a mirror for eight hours a day on weekends to practice a professional poker face. Your tweets are bad, Mr. President, but Paul Ryan’s facial expressions are not helping the party. Next: please please please consult an ACTUAL physician when you try to write public health policy. Physicians are a fairly smart bunch and they can probably make better decisions than the government about what care and advice their patients should receive. You need to have more trust and get 99% of the health stuff off the docket. A lot of it is none of your business and we want our privacy back. Next: please, end the war in Afghanistan. The Russians couldn’t win and neither can we.  And last (although I might return to this post to add more ‘Pleases’), please do not exhaust us with the threat of starting your 2020 campaign in a few days. No one in America has recovered from the A and B lister debate nights. Everyone knows who you are. A few short infomercials should do the trick. This can be applied to all candidates: people might like you more if you campaign less.